Just for fun, let's all list:

TEN THINGS THAT ANNOY ME

1. People who shave off their real eyebrows and pencil fake ones in. (An exception is made for those who have lost their eyebrows for medical reasons or due to overzealous plucking... but only if it was unintentional.)
2. Bicyclists, walkers, and runners who have zero awareness of the cars around them. I know it's the responsibility of drivers to watch out, but one distraction or unexpected movement = road pancake. You'd think they'd be more observant seeing as they wouldn't win that fight.
3. Overweight people who wear too-small shirts... especially when you can see their belly hanging out the bottom. I have sympathy for overweight people, being one myself, but at least I buy shirts that cover what they are supposed to cover.
   
4. People who suddenly become big fans/best friends of the recently deceased when they didn't know or like them before their deaths. This is a specific reaction to the Michael Jackson thing, but I've seen it over and over with non-famous people, like the time when a guy I went to high school with died and all the sudden people who had never spoken to him before were sobbing in the halls and skipping school to go to the funeral. I feel like it is insulting to those who actually did know and care about the person when they were alive.
5. Waiters/waitresses who steal your plates when you're not done with them, or who harass you constantly about taking the plate... especially when they act like it's for your own good. "I'll get this out of your way." Thanks, "Tad," but it really wasn't in my way at all. It's a restaurant. I EXPECT to have plates in front of me. It's like a prop.
6. Making a big deal about politicians' extramarital affairs. Sure, they did a bad thing, but it's NONE OF MY BUSINESS. And, furthermore, I DON'T CARE. And, further-furthermore, I just feel bad for the politician's spouse, who would probably much rather we didn't spread the news of their shame all over the world. This is between the politician, his or her spouse, and God. Nobody else needs to hear about it.
7. Reality shows that consist entirely of following people around. News flash: your life just isn't that interesting. And if it IS interesting, then it's only interesting because it's a train wreck and everyone is heckling you when they watch. The only exception to this was MTV's "The Real World," back during the first few seasons when it was still a new, fresh idea. After a while, it became as bad as the rest of them.
8. Flamboyantly gay men: the type who wear sequins and tight pants and prance around lisping and carrying purses and saying, "Oh yes, Girl-FRAAAAND" all the time. I know it's only a very small percentage of gay people who act this way, but they're the ones you see on TV. You are certainly not helping gay-straight relations with all that tomfoolery.
9. People who rate good romance novels poorly solely on the basis that there aren't many sex scenes. If you're only reading for the sex scenes and don't care about how good the rest of the story is, then perhaps you're reading the wrong genre of novel, if you know what I mean. Your local bookstore clerk can point you to the correct section. And then laugh at you behind your back.
   
10. I'm running a race this weekend, and if I hear ONE MORE SPECTATOR say, "Bringing up the rear, eh? Heh, heh, heh." as I go by, I am going to have to get a DNF (Did Not Finish) for the race due to being arrested for punching a spectator. I may be in last place, but you're ugly, and I can get faster. Losers.

So, what annoys you?

Kentucky was pretty much a bust, bird-wise, but it was fun to see a new place. The park we stayed at reminded me a lot of Clarkco, but hillier and with fewer pine trees. Actually, I have no idea why it reminded me of Clarkco... they were very different places. But it did.

We are still running, and it's getting easier even though the jog times are getting longer. I can tell a big difference already. I jogged down to the mailbox the other day and wasn't out of breath at all when I got there. Granted, it's only about 75 yards away, but before starting the program, I probably would have been wheezing. I've signed up for a 1 mile walk/run on the fourth of July, and I hope to run for as much of it as possible. I'm excited. Running is fun. I'm still hoping to be ready to run the Apple Festival 5k in September.

I'm almost done reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which has been entertaining, but not as much as I hoped when I first started reading it. It's pretty much a one-note joke, and it gets old after a while. Probably 80% of the book is word-for-word from the original story. If I wanted to read 80% of the original, I would just read the original. The problem with this is that you often go for pages with no hint of zombies, and then when they mention them again, you'd forgotten all about them. Also, in the name of humor, the characters are made to say crude things that they'd never have said in the original or in the time period. There's a running joke, for example, about dances, or "balls," which was mildly funny the first two times, but now I just sigh and shake my head when they say it. I almost stopped reading altogether when Elizabeth said, "I do not care to spend the rest of my life cleaning out [crude word for urine] pots." Elizabeth would never have said that, zombies or no zombies. As a matter of fact, Elizabeth would have never even said "urine," or referred to it at all except possibly if it was a matter of life or death and she was whispering it to a doctor. That's just not how they talked back then. I know, I know, it's just fiction, and it's supposed to be funny, and I should lighten up. But I think that I could take this concept and write a much better version of it without resorting to jokes about bodily functions.

I'm pretty sure that jokes about bodily functions are the lowest form of humor. They're worse than knock-knock jokes. One or two instances can be forgiven (and even funny), but if any movie or book uses more than two of them, it's a sign of weakness, and if the majority of the jokes are about bodily functions, then everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves, unless they are males under the age of 14, in which it can be a little bit excused, but even then I still think they could do much better. I'm looking at you, Larry the Cable Guy.

Does anyone remember Carrot Top? He started out likable and harmless, and then he just got creepier and creepier until now he looks like Chucky. Seriously. You can Google it.

The Running of the Squirrels is tomorrow! I'm all signed up and everything. Like I said before, I'm only doing the fitness walk (not the 5k race), but it will still be awesome. I made myself a bracelet to wear that says "Squirrels" to motivate me. Daniel's walking, too. We're super-cool like that.

The running of the Daphne suffered a setback due to my being hit with a massive cold - the kind that comes with a splitting headache and tires you out so that you can't even walk to the couch without getting exhausted. There was no running under those conditions. But now that my cold is subsiding, I'm starting again. Yay for running! And squirrels! I'm going to get a t-shirt.

I'm very excited about the house situation! Aunt Alicia will be happy in her new place, and Daniel and I (and Bella and Truffles) will be happy in her old one. We're diagramming where to put everything already. And I'm going to get Aunt Alicia a kitten as a house-warming gift.

I have been really terrible about congratulating people, so:

• Happy birthday Brad!
• Happy birthday Aunt Alicia!
• Happy anniversary to my parents!
• Congratulations on graduating, Ben!
• Congratulations on graduating, Rhiannon!
• Happy birthday Ben!
• Happy birthday Granny!

And, to cover all my upcoming bases:

• Happy birthday Jacob!
• Happy birthday Gina Grace!
• Happy birthday Aunt Jena!
• Happy anniversary Brad and Ashley!

I'm so excited that Kasey is coming to visit! I've been preparing like crazy. It's going to be awesome.